no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize