2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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