So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
only if we run a train.
done.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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