I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize