see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
there is glitter all over my balls
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
