she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
