i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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