Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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