ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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