Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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