I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
