Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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