Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
