i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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