he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
