my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
