Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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