You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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