Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
