There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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