____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
