I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
