I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
