I am spending my child support on dildos
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
