Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
