I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
