So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
