They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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