I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
