just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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