we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
