I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
