Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
