Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
