I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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