I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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