just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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