i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
