Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
