Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
