But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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