Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize