Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize