i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
