We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
