I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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