like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.