I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.