Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
