Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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