i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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