I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
