we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do vagina's smell?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
