I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
