just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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