fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
