I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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