We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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